Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Open for Closure

When you’re given the chance to close something from your past (which needs to be closed), DO IT.


I don’t know about you, but I have noticed folks finding it hard to accept this practical thinking.  After all, the opportunity is there.  Nowadays, people are talking about “good vibes”, “moving on”, “looking forward”.  People are even mean on people perceived as bitter, in which the bottom line is not really because it is not good for your own soul, BUT because it is a waste of time and energy.  I agree in principle.   Nowadays, essays, short stories, novels, and even quotes are either downgraded or taken lightly despite of its potential plainly because the inspiration is personal.  In Tagalog, “may pinaghuhugutan”, and when a write-up is deemed “may pinaghuhugutan”, it somehow demeans the depth of a write-up, dismissing it as rants or just some bitter remarks.  The last sentence is a different topic which I promise to write the next time, but the point is this: people are shouting “move on” more than ever.  With these conjectures, another variable comes into mind: CLOSURE on certain things. 


Name it. Why did you need to break up?  Why did he/she have to leave?  Why did your parents get separated?  In case you’re an organization or church member, why did leaders need to decide that way?  Let us not be mean by saying the article is becoming personal (hence “not valid so shut up”), BUT I’m just giving you a more human, normal questions like pulling this stuff from the hat.  Closure is one of the elements that are needed in order for moving on to be smoother than the usual.     


When the answers were given to you, even if didn’t satisfy you, be open enough to accept their side of the story.  Take it as a closure on your part.  After all, there are other people who were not given that chance.  If they are telling the truth, it is good.  If they are telling half of the story, it is no longer you that needs closure; it’s them, and it’s their choice to live with it or do something about it.  Not all are given the chance to hear the other side of the story.


There are times that we were not given the chance of closure due to distance, circumstances, further conflict et al.  There are also times that people around us, whom we consider as authority or parental figures, are not allowing the closure even if the opportunity is already there.  Then, if there is really no chance for closure, take their words as wisdom: move on.  Well, we cannot quickly conclude something is a NO CLOSURE thing unless it is already there.  People around us, whether we admit it or not, influenced our feeling of necessity for closure.  Some people who imply their being strong will advise people to just move on without closing things.  Again, it is applicable when the opportunity is not there, but if there’s the opportunity.


By the way, your life or your loved ones’ lives being at stake for the sake of closure, in my opinion, is not an opportunity.  By its reason alone, it is a statement why closure is not meant to be.  For example, in case of relationship went wrong, if a person will endure further insults from the other party, he may extend his apology AND forgiveness, BUT must stop there when the other party is taking advantage negatively of your quest for closure by barraging you with insults.  Maybe it’s not the closure that we wanted, BUT it is still closure.  If someone or a group of people will just further insult you for your past, then looks like the closure begins by closing your doors to these people; these people are your first closure if that’s the case (unless the ask for forgiveness for being dense).  This is not unforgiving spirit by the way; this is you forgiving yourself by not being hard on yourself (by surrounding yourself with people who just keeps on digging your pasts with no genuine concern for closure). If the person insulting you is the person you felt the need for closure, then take his or her insults and unforgiving-spirit inspired attitude towards you as closure.  Unforgiving spirit must not consume people who genuinely asked for closure and forgiveness; frankly, it must consume unforgiving people themselves.  Afterwards, close your connections and ties with them, unless a genuine change of heart happens to them.


Now, like I said, NOT ALL were given the chance for an actual personal closure.  Hence, whenever we encounter one, if our or our loved ones’ lives will not be at stake, please put down our pride on moments like that.  Grab the opportunity.  To the people who imply strength or act or is really a guidance counselor, psychologists etc., let us not be mean.  Moving on is more effective when there is closure, especially closures that are just within reach.  Your job begins if actual, personal closure are not visibly there.


If this opportunity was not given to you or was deprived from you, this is not a perfect world.  Let us move on with our life.  After all, the word “closure” implies “moving on” if you read it carefully.