I went back to Manila few days after the ecclesiastically-used shot gun marriage proposal (no offense and hurt feeling on the church; I’m just laying down the situation). My mother gave this wonderful piece of advice: stick to your intended original plan (which, back then was one year from that date). She added that if the woman really loved you for who you are, she will understand the exact situation. (Besides, personally, I don’t want to have a civil wedding followed after church wedding. I want a church wedding or a Pastor officiated wedding ONLY). I texted her that. Obviously, she got angry and told her mother about it. Her mother threatened that she will go to my church that very day to tell my Pastor about it. I was hurt and devastated. Outsiders will understand that what they are doing are understandable, and I was wrong in saying so. That’s another point against them lacking accountability; they used, again, unwritten rules. I gave up my optimism. I felt that this is ALL HER, no room for ME. I thought that an offer of marriage will change her attitude. They became too pragmatic. They wanted to be so sure. Wait, after all the hardships that I went through because of her selfishness and controlling attitude, I am the one who will adjust again? I gave up. I asked for my Mom’s help. I didn’t show up both on her and also at the church; I went into hiding. For outsiders, this is a classic, “a guy have sex with a girl, then left her”. No way! Now, the reason why I hide is this: it was a one-way traffic. She is not as helpless as a typical soap opera hero. She is not the timid, submitting type. She’s the assertive, competitive type. In fact, she ALWAYS WINS even if deep down, I don’t really care if she wins or not. I’ll tell time and time again that it is both OUR fault. Besides, she always had proven time and time that she’s tougher and more assertive than I am. I agree. Now, why is she acting helpless when she’s tougher and more assertive and had proven that over and over in our relationship? Why did they bad mouthed my family when they never did that to them in the first place? Why did they scandalize my life when I really, really tried to keep this as private as possible? Yes, that’s all part of the consequence that I must accept, BUT not because a person is used as a vessel of consequence does it mean that the person who was used is already spared from one.
The church dis-fellowshipped me. I don’t know when exactly; I just found out. They did the inevitable. They dis-fellowshipped me. Defenseless. That doesn’t end there. She spread the news that we were living in. (What a categorical lie!) Even when I was restored in the fellowship, despite having a new girlfriend then (now my wife), the disciplinary became retroactive; no marriage in the church auditorium. Our marriage will be held outside that auditorium and into the church gymnasium (we didn’t get married in the church property. Good thing that I and my now-wife never intended to get married there in the first place, not because of any negative feelings, but for the convenience of both our relatives, who are both coming from South Luzon). Not only that, I was not given the traditional exit tribute usually being done to former youth leaders. (The argument is that it is not a former youth leader’s right to be given that TRADITION, but a privilege. Point accepted. Now, therefore, it depends upon their discretions on who will have such exit tribute. I didn’t push that one). The dis-fellowship, the way I saw it, was intended for a year, but it didn’t happen. When the church is planning to restore me a year after, they asked for her side if they want me restored. Obviously, they said no. To put it specifically, her mother said NO. From one year, it became almost 3 years! In all of those times, I prayed, I constantly asked and plead. I wanted to be cuffed and sentenced, but they don’t want, saying that I have no proof of repentance (marriage). For the mean time, I attended a church in all of those almost 3 years. Because of their understanding and trust on me, I decided not to put them in all these details.