Monday, April 26, 2010

Stick to your plan (or similar to that)

Some people are insensitive, inconsiderate, and sometimes manipulative, to the point that they'll mess with other people's schedule so much. Give them a plain, “no, I can't. I'm busy.”, they'll give heart-stumping words, yes, words that will definitely prick your heart. No is such an unacceptable word for them. At the end, who is the end receiver when things go haywire? YOU.

Just a brotherly reminder: not all people who say “no, I can't. I'm busy.” are just making an excuse. Besides, mature people know their priorities, right? In additional, the reason why they're busy is because other people need them or their ability. So please be considerate. Sacrifice, by the way, should be volitional. Pricking someone's heart intentionally is somewhat manipulative.

Yes, it's never wrong to help, to sacrifice, to give things a shot. However, please bear in mind, that at the end, all the consequences of those madness is solely you. For example, if because of your manipulation the person manipulated were fired or caused a gap in significant relationships, do you even have the nerve to defend or even take the cudgels? Most of the time, no. After all,

Even if people who persuaded on decisions will try to defend you out, still, the blame is on you. After all, mature people will and must accept accountability and responsibility for their actions. By the way, I strongly believe that there are only two institutions that I believe need your extra mile effort: family and church. Period. Well, how about government? On certain cases only.

To those who always manipulate people on doing things that at the end will jeopardize their priorities, have a sense of accountability. Don't dodge the bullets when you're blame at. Don't use the “it's your choice. You can leave if you want to” words. You were given a “NO, I'm busy”, yet you didn't accept it anyway. Don't also use the “you still have a choice” words. The fact that you pricked a person's heart wrongly proves that you gave him a choice, but will make him feel guilty, bad, or indifferent (when in fact, it's not).

To those who encountered these situations, please don't judge right away. Consider if you are truly busy or not. When you're truly busy, stick to your schedule. You'll be a good help on a long run when you follow your schedule. When they mess your emotions of thinking that either you're indifferent, bad, etc, let me tell you this: you know yourself better in these situations.

As mature people, we are accountable for our actions. Let's not allow ourselves to be fooled, manipulated, and used by other people to the point that your priorities will be jeopardized. At the end, you'll end up receiving and accpeting the consequences, and those people are scot-free (I admit that sometimes, I just wish they'll receive what is also due them, but we are Christians.) especially if the actions are not for God's glory.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Manipulators and being manipulated part 2

4) Manipulative people will make other people accountable for their own ideas – they will persuade you to do this, give you the guilt if ever you will not do it, and presto, you did it. Then, things went worst, and he or she’s not there to help you. You’ll end up receiving the blame. You’ll end the sole accountable. At the end, you’ll just realize that you did it all wrong. The worst part? The rule book says that you REALLY DID SOMETHING...AND IT IS TRUE. This is the very reason why we should read the fine prints and read between the lines when we’re signing contracts, negotiating, and being advised. Always remember that at the end, you’re responsible for your own actions. Because of that, you must not let other people dictate your own actions. If ever you wanted to take other people’s advices, examine its consequences. There are people who are so good in giving advices that they’re almost dictating you. Still, when you feel that you’re being dictated or the person is trying to manipulate you to take certain actions, JUST LISTEN, but never do it.

5) Manipulative people are good in making you feel or look guilty – They’re good in touching your precious ego. Now, when this happens, DON’T EVER BE GUILTY. People commit mistakes in decision making. By the way, not all seemingly guilty people are truly guilty people. If you feel you’re manipulated to join them in almost all of their gatherings, gives you the unnecessary (especially if it’s not family and church ministry) burden, let me tell you this: you can never save them ALL. What if the person influenced many people to make you look guiltier than the usual? Let them act like mobs and unintelligent beings. After all, they allowed themselves to be fooled. If someone don’t bother to listen to your side, yet they bad mouthed, then they’re plain stupid because listening to both side of the story is one of the BASIC truth seeking tools.

6) When you felt no guilt or not fazed by their antics, manipulative people will do a notch higher. – you are unfazed by his or her antics, until you’re surprised that he or she did something with your stuff or your corporation (if you’re a boss). Even though it’s difficult, always try to be calm when dealing with him. If you wanted to be confrontational, get ready to become the seemingly wrong guy. This is the reason why the term Vox Populi Vox Dei is not all the time right. Besides, you can’t please everybody.

Maybe there are more. Please put your inputs if you have one.

Satan, like I said, is the ultimate manipulator. He had deceived the first human beings, Adam and Eve, in eating the Forbidden fruit. Thus, Adam and Eve were sent out of the Garden of Eden. Though our ancestors Adam and Eve were sent out of the Garden because of their sins, God knows that Satan deceived them. Satan is manipulating people, be it believers and unbelievers, because He is Lake of Fire bound. He is miserable from the time he was kicked out of Heaven, and misery loves company. He is the ultimate loser.

Applying it in human terms, manipulative people are highly insecure people. They needed someone to control because without them, they’re lonely and sad individuals. This is the reason why most of the time, they’re not tough enough to do self-depreciating jokes. They needed a “yes man” or “yes woman”. Never argue with them. Instead, talk to them in the calmest way possible. Look them straight to the eye. Try not to be angry, nervous, and reclusive. Manipulative people love to see people on their toes. Despite their deceptions, their actions will eventually be revealed. Those who were deceived will either apologize to you All of these examples don’t automatically mean that when a person is like number 5 or 6, he is manipulative. It is only an aid. I maybe wrong on certain points.

Hope this one is a good help.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Manipulators and being manipulated part 1

Manipulators. They are everywhere. These types of people are in school, work, politics, and sad to say, church. Being manipulated at some point of your life doesn’t exempt you as a candidate of manipulative character.

How can manipulative people be traced? Is there a fool proof, text book way of knowing who they are? Sad to say, no. After all, manipulative people will try to act as if they’re not in the best way they can. Most of the time, you’ll find it too late that you were manipulated. Sad to say, at the end of the day, you’ll end up being blamed or blaming yourself. After all, manipulative people don’t have a sense of accountability.

What are the signs? Like I said, there’s no fool proof, text book way of knowing. However, personal experience, second person and third person accounts can be of good help. Still though, like I said, this is no textbook, these are just “experiential ideas” (if there’s no term like this, consider this term as invented), and some things to do. This is not fool proof. After all, manipulative people can be reading this and do something to make their crafts better. Still, I hope this is of good help.

(Note: the masculine pronouns that pertain to this topic [manipulative person] don’t indicate that ONLY GUYS ARE MANIPULATIVE. It is collective, manipulative people can be either male or female.)

1) Manipulative people wanted to take charge, one way or another. Yes, they’re usually in charge. No, I’m not talking about being in position. I’m talking about being in charge. Yes, you may have the position, but you will feel their presence. If you happen to be a leader and you have a partner who is dictating your leadership moves, you are being manipulated. Yes, you decided, but the manipulative person who disagrees will make you feel that your actions will cost you dearly. The divide-and-conquer person fits the profile of a manipulative person.

2) Manipulative person usually kindles egos. You are a dedicated Christian guy, and you wanted to stay virgin or abstained from sex until you get married. Here’s manipulative girl. She’ll say to you, “you’re not man enough” or “you’re gay”. She’ll force you to decide what you think is not the best decision (but only best for that manipulative person). If you’re unfazed, you’ll be given a statement that will definitely touch a man’s ego: “you have no bone”/”you’re not man enough” Don’t bite! After all, there are other ways that you can prove that you’re man enough, and doing uncalculated leadership decisions dictated by manipulative woman is not one of them. Women like that know how to get out without her being guilty about this. Sometimes, she can make you shoulder all the blame and receive the punishment (my personal experience is a proof of that). In this situation, at some point you might feel the guilt. Don’t let that guilt bother you very much.

3) Manipulative person will definitely avoid accountabilities. Yes, they are. They’ll make other people accountable for their actions. The hard part is, the person being blamed was also manipulated to do the action. I believe some convicts were just manipulated to do the action. Still though, they’re in jail because they’ve done the deed, and the manipulative person is scot-free.

(To be continued)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Ang Ladlad was nodded (part 2)

First my disclaimers:

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not homophobic in the strictest sense of the word (I don’t have an irrational fear for homosexuals or gays). I’ve worked in two schools (aside being a volunteer in a Christian school), one public high school and one college. In that public high school, I have one bisexual coworker in the department that I belonged. In that school, I have 3 other gay co-teachers. In college, I have two gay co-faculty members. They themselves can attest that I have been respectful to them the way I’m respectful with other faculty members and administrators. I’ve always been in good terms with gay people. After all, contrary to the popular belief, not all Baptist churches make fun of LGBTs, especially in their short comedy sketches. In our own church and Christian, it is a no-no to make jokes regarding gay people. No, not because they’re gay, but because they’re human beings. Bluntly, I’m not pro-gay, but I’m pro-God, pro-family, and pro-humanity. In other words, I respect them not for being gay, but because they’re human beings.

Now, let’s continue:

“It stressed that Ang Ladlad has satisfied all legal requirements to qualify as a party-list organization under Republic Act 7941 (Party-list System Act), including ‘proofs of past subordination or discrimination suffered by the group, immutable or distinguishing characteristic, attribute or experience that define them as a discrete group, and present political or economic powerlessness.’”

That’s an excerpt from this article. Now, let’s focus on the words discrete group, political and economic powerlessness.

Discrete group – I do believe that there are LGBTs who are discrete. In graduate school, I know gay graduate professors who dress in a corporate fashion, not in a loud, glam look. Yes, they even excel (one of them is my favorite professor by the way). In fact, I never saw any gay graduate professors in our University who dress loud. This shows their being discrete. Patricia Evangelista in one of her articles implied that the host of “The Explainer” Manolo Quezon is gay. He wore corporate outfits every show. He’s discrete. My point? There are gays that are discrete, there are gays that are not.
Political powerlessness – I don’t know if there’s any study correlating homosexuality and politics (some of you may find it funny), but personally, being gay doesn’t equate political powerlessness.

Economic powerlessness – I disagree. More often than not, you’ll see a working gay, be it in parlors, comedy bars, entertainment, schools, offices. Yes, some may say that they do that because if they don’t have money, they’ll not get guys or gals (in case of female bisexuals and lesbians), but the point is that an unemployed gay is a rarity. Thus, LGBTs are not economically powerless. Okay, let’s make this a notch higher. Maybe some will say that gays have no economic influence on stock markets (I don’t know), now here’s the thing: I am a straight guy, and I don’t have any shares of stocks. This

These are only my opinions. I’m not a lawyer. I’m a mathematician. I’m not a political analysts or political scientists. I’m just a blogger. I do believe that there are stronger opinions than I have. They may even back it up with book smarts. Still though, this is only my opinion. You can attest my political correctness on this one, especially on LGBTs. At the end, we have no choice but to respect the Supreme Court’s decision. However, in the spirit of democracy, I will not vote for Ang Ladlad. I respected them in the way I can, please respect my choice. As a Christian Baptist, my reason is obvious.

Ang Ladlad was nodded (part 1)

I just read the article (late) that ANG LADLAD was given the nod by the supreme court.

Okay...we can't do something about it. When I read the article, it seems the supreme court has a convincing reasons why they gave them the nod.

Okay, we'll give the respect due them.

However, this is freedom of expression. Thus, i will tell you that i am against this decision. Don't get me wrong. I'm not homophobic. Still, we cant do something about it.

Pero for me, they're discrete, but not underrepresented, and they're not economically powerless.
And when i said this, I am not discriminating.

If it does, then i will tell the countless persecutions the early Baptist preachers and even modern day Baptist preachers are getting. Just for the God's Word to be spread.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tolerance and Spiritual Family

If you’re a church goer, definitely you’ll hear the word brother, sister, and brethren. After all, John 1:12 have mentioned that those who received Jesus Christ were given power to become the sons of God (even to them that believe on His name). Since our fellow believers are considered our spiritual brothers/sisters, one will never take away these words: spiritual family. Once a person admitted his sins and repented from them, and accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, he became part of the family of God.

Now, let’s focus on the word “family”. Let’s put this in our biological family. Typically, and especially for single guys and gals, our family’s house is also our house (There are single guys and gals who decided to move out, but that’s another story. Let’s not be foolish on that one if you know what I mean. I know you’re better than that if you’re ever planning of doing so). Normally, you’ll not be arrested for trespassing once you entered in your own house. After all, you’re part of that family, so their house is your house.

In a real world, some typical families will have what we call “black sheep”. He’s the one who is giving his family one headache after the other (with varying degrees). However, despite that black sheep’s shortcoming, we’ll accept him with open arms. Yes, we’ll definitely get angry, but we’ll definitely help him to get out of the mess that he made. Love and the “we-have-no-choice” principle will definitely take its place. In spite of our biological brother’s shortcoming, we have no choice but help him bounce back. Oh yes, you may say that there came to a point that you gave up, but the point is the reason why you gave up is because you helped him numerous times BEFORE because BECAUSE HE’S YOUR BROTHER.

A typical family will deal delicate matters privately. When a family member committed something wrong (unwanted pregnancy, drug dependency, alcoholism, etc), either one of two things will happen: either you rebuke or remind that family member, then try to help him get out or solve the mess OR you’ll cover up every bad deed to the point that you’ll talk to the offended party. Since you’re a family member, you’ll do your best to negotiate.

A typical family has a set of rules that, once it’s not followed, will be either warned or be given discipline. The father or mother will impose it on a family that did something wrong. However, a loving father/mother doesn’t desire to spank or “ground” or deprive things from his kid because he did something wrong (like a crazy person). However, because a family member did something wrong, the father or mother has no choice but to do it in order for his children to have a positive direction.


Now, what about spiritual family? Why we’re so sensitive in a brother’s style of jokes or how he led the song in the church while you’re more tolerant with your unbelieving/chosen sets of friends, despite their bad joke? Why so quick the judgment? Haven’t you realized that it’s shallow? Oh yes, we can hide it under the guise of “open rebuke”. We can say that we need to implement things. Still, the bottomline? You plainly don’t like the person. You never treated him as family, though you’re both part of the spiritual family.

Let’s set aside the words “different levels of spiritual maturity” as justification for awhile.

We tend to set the level of tolerance to our spiritual brethren so low, especially if we don’t like the person, but set the level of rules so high to them. We expect too much to our spiritual family. In my personal opinion, if you really treat him as part of the family, yes, there are house rules, but our tolerance must be there.

For Christian single guys and gals, we tend to set so many rules and expectations that, when this was not met, will accuse those Christian guys and gals words like “cheater”, “playboy”, “”two-timer”, “user”. We’ll start to generalize especially Christian guys and begin to think that there are unbelievers who are nicer than them (lame argument). The ironic part is this: more often than not, we never throw those same words to our unbelieving friends. We tend to just let pass our unbelieving friends’ blunders, yet cannot move on when a fellow brother committed sins (worst, you were not directly affected at times).

Many times, we misused the verse “open rebuke is better than secret love” if we wanted to rebuke a fellow church member that we dislike, hiding it under the cloak “open rebuke”. (Note: A person, especially the old timers, should not forget that the sentence construction of that verse is comparative by nature. That verse is never ever applicable if you never love or like that fellow church member in the first place. Thus, the next time you wanted to rebuke a fellow church member that you dislike, think twice before using that Bible verse. Rebuking someone out of dislike or hatred to the person itself and not because you wanted to help IS SO WRONG AND IS WORTHY OF OPEN REBUKE ITSELF).

Yes, there are many opinions, strong answers regarding this one. It may be a strong agreement or a strong disagreement. It may be on a theological standpoint, it may be on the grammatical or textual viewpoint. When this post is either agreed or disagreed, liked or unliked (is there a word, I forgot my grammar or vocabulary), the post’s objective was fulfilled. Reaction or reply is a sign that we still think things through…that we still think.

Still, at the end of the day, I hope that this post will make us think through regarding the words “brother”, “sister”, “brethren”, and “spiritual brother/sister/family”. This is never meant to insist, but is meant to make a fellow brother and sister think through.

Thank you very much for reading.