Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Most people I encounter say that at my age, I MUST settle down. Yes, the word is MUST. Now, I understand them for this. We’re not getting younger. Sweet girl is also not getting any younger. Now I am enrolled in the doctoral program, some people think that I have no immediate plan of settling down.

Now, before I answer that, let me share this to you. I know those who know me and those who are ACTUALLY reading my journals here will find this so annoying because I seem to mention this again and again. Honestly, it’s been just this year that I truly enjoyed my life as a working bachelor. Yes, 2006 I got liberated from a bad relationship (I’ll say this again: let’s not blame each other who is at fault. After all, it’s a relationship). Yes, the excommunication’s purpose is to discipline an erring brethren and to purify the church. However, I have to admit that the almost 3 years of excommunication (and the reason of that length is due to some forces that cause it to extend. I don’t want to divulge as some people are too unforgiving to let go) caused my world to shrink. Instead of focusing to this idea (that at least I have found out and good thing I didn’t end up with her), I can’t move that well..proverbially. My workplace is near the Old Church. Inside me, there’s this wanting to be cleared up. Being excommunicated is like being a fugitive. However, unlike other fugitives, I wanted to put the figurative handcuffs and start the sentence. Don’t get me wrong. I know what I did wrong. However, for a person who has more friends and acquaintances in the Old Church than outside the the Old Church, it’s depressing. It’s so hard to have that “excommunication tag”. Some brethren got that opportunity to release their animosity against me.

To sum it up, it’s just the latter part of 2008 and this year 2009 that I truly enjoy my life as a bachelor, and my career as a young professional. Sweet girl have given me the chance to shine. She’s supportive even with my doctoral. I also began teaching (on a part time basis) again. Why? Because sweet girl is so understanding and supportive. Not to mention that I began to draw and to sell my comic strip compilations. These things are not possible if not for the “liberation”.
Bluntly, my life went on a stand still of sort for 5 years (January 2004-December 31, 2008). Yes, on the other side, I have learned a lot from the experiences, but please allow me to say this: my life as a professional is just beginning. No control freak girl. No more ingrates. No more habitual lying. No more manipulation. No more unforgiving spirit. No more bullying in relationships. No more threats. No more “if I hate them, you should hate them also”. No more demasculation. No more embarrasments. No more “more than half of the salary instantly gone AND the ingratitude despite that”.

I’m no longer that bitter. What I’m trying to say is that it’s just now that I can gather the pieces together. To the Old Church people who read this and don’t comment anyway for one reason or another, please, don’t pressure me to settle down just because of my age, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE NOT MARRIED or YOU NEVER HAVE A MORE-THAN-A-FRIEND RELATIONSHIP. Saying these things doesn’t also mean that I’m not serious in my relationships. Frankly, I am serious in all of the relationships that I went through. It was just sensationalized. The worst part? I still have no choice, but to move on to avoid being called bitter. My only fault is that I took the risk of falling in love.

By the way, when an Old Church youngster is urging me to settle down, I felt that I was being asked to go out of the Youth ministry! I know that is funny. I even laughed when I typed that! After all, there are youth leaders and former youth leaders whom you don’t want to get married YET.

I have always been serious in all of my previous relationships, and especially with my present relationship. The settling down plan is always part of my agenda in the relationship.

Yes, I understand that some of you are excited for me to settle down, thus the pressure. If you’re frame of mind is like that, then you’re my friend indeed. However, please do understand that it’s just this year or two that I can say that I start to enjoy being a single professional. Most of you never tasted the sweet taste of being absorbed back into the community called Old Church after excommunication.

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