“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than ant twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrows, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
I am a Sunday school kid. I graduated in a Baptist high school. However, looking at myself right now, I have made so many compromises in my life. So many blunders. So many mistakes, one have cost me a suspension, one resulted in my excommunication. Looking my life in a microscope, I’m not your ideal Christian guy or Christian bachelor to be exact. Granting the fact that that excommunication backwards be erased “ala-Men in Black”, my Christian is still anything but ideal.
Partially because of what I have done in my past, there are things that I’m still struggling to get rid, but at some extent is not successful (I can’t tell you why).
Sometimes, I even describe myself as an antihero or an antithesis of a Christian guy. This magnified further with the excommunication stigma. This at times lead to occassional self disappointment, thus the striving to push myself. Because of the shattered testimony in my immediate circle, there are times that “NO” is so hard to say plainly because they know what I’ve done before and I was there. Good thing there are some people who understood that I want to clean my act this time, for my sake, my family’s sake, and my future wife’s sake. Thus, some of these people understood that I can no longer join them.
Not to act like a Pontius Pilate and wash my hands, I’m not a hypocrite. After all, the only time Jesus Himself mentioned the word “hypocrites” is that he’s referring to the Pharisees and Sadducees. Why? Because they’re facade is holy, but deep inside (literally) is not righteous simply because they didn’t experience the real salvation experience. (Therefore, hypocrisy is rarely, if any, applicable to be used to a Christian. After all, there are BASICALLY two types of Christian, spiritual and carnal). Carnal? I admit that I can be considered as one.
Every time I enter the church building with my Bible on my left hand, I know the Word of God speaks louder than it was before. That’s the reason why I typed that Bible verse from the book of Hebrews. Word of God piercing my heart, urging me to make positive decisions.
Why am I still continuing to attend church despite being antiheroic most of the times? Because I need the spiritual piercing. I need to be reminded by God’s Word. To make this long essay short, I NEED HIM. Despite numerous piercings to my soul by God’s Word, at the end of the day, God’s Word and the church and some of the brethren give me peace of mind.