Tuesday, April 28, 2009

clashing views

I decided not to talk to someone for the mean time. Why? It all started when I started to share to her my past experience (to those who are regular readers of this blogsite, you know what I am talking about). She questioned if I truly loved my ex-girlfriend because if really did, I will marry her, not leave her. She added that my real mistake is that I didn’t have the guts (or balls) to stick to her. She also indirectly said that I am a coward for leaving my ex. I started to say my side why I made those decisions. She said that ALL OF THOSE are just excuses. She begins to mention things like, “it’s rare to find men who is firm”. Actually, if you’re there, you’ll agree to almost all the things that she’s mentioning. However, what caught my ire is her high expectations on men, BUT, stated that women should be tolerated if she acts certain ways. She said that women SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD because women just are just emotional by nature (maybe those are not exact words). By the way, she also said that I should forgive myself. Actually, at first glance, it is true. However, looking it closely, it’s quite wrong, because it only involves me. The right one is this: we (me and my ex-girlfriend) should forgive each other (she has her own share of mistakes why these things happen) and our own selves. She also said that the reason why I’m angry by what she’s saying is because I’m guilty (I’ll answer this one at the latter part, so please read ALL).
The best part? According to her, she’s not angry when she said those stuffs to me. She’s effortlessly blunt in mentioning those stuffs, which I find scary. At the end, I told her how ordinary she is. Why “ordinary”? I call her “ordinary” because her view is so narrow minded (pre-marital = mandatory marriage or else, you’re automatically a coward).
Because of that, I decided not to talk to her. Why? Maybe I’m quite sensitive on this. Maybe she’s just speaking her mind out. Still though, her principle, I think, may eventually affect our friendship. Her principle is quite sexist, favoring her own womankind.
Oh well, eventually, I will talk to her. That’s life: we have different views. Maybe her view just hit my own view, clashing viewpoints as some call it. (My view on relationship is that it is an “US” thing, not an “I” thing. When breakups happen, there should be no blaming. There should be no “whose fault is it?” line. In relationship, it takes two to tango. If it didn’t work out, it’s BOTH your fault. Thus, there should be no pointing of fingers to guy and guy ALONE. No, I’m not being a misogynist. No breakups have valid reasons, if it truly has, no tears will shed. Thus, when breakups do happen, there should be no blaming. My view is no matter how foolish your ex bf/gf, no vengeance should be made. Vengeance or getting even maybe normal thing, but it is still dead wrong!)
Eventually, I will talk to her, and make the first move. In my life’s history, it’s quite rare that someone make a first move. Usually, it is I who make the first move at the end. God had taught me and transformed me as a person who apologizes first, who makes the first move, etc. I may have some pride in me, but I’m not too proud to snub and be indifferent. When the time comes that I made the first move and she is still bitter, I will respect that.
I know this is no big deal to most of you, guys and gals. Maybe I’m just tired of scenario where guys get all the blaming in a consensual thing called relationship. In the environment where I am situated, that’s the case. Guys get all the blaming.
Don’t worry, I’ll be back in my old resilient, forgiving self in a nick of time. Hope you learned something today.

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