Monday, March 30, 2009

Dear God

Dear God,
Thank you very much for the sunshine that radiate on my face. Thank you for a breakfast that I ate this morning. Thank you very much for all the blessings that I have received from you. For 15 years in the ministry, I have seen how You blessed my life. Time and time again, You vindicate me at times that I need to be vindicated. I don’t care anymore if people who dislike ever notice those vindications, but it is truly there anyway.
Thank you also for the corrections that I also receive. It only shows that I am your son; I am saved. I’m sorry if at first I don’t understand. Even right from the start, I know that You allowed that dark secret to be revealed to the public for me to avoid doing that sin again and again. I know that temporary excommunication is the best solution for me to truly learn my lesson. You know how I tried and succeed on some levels to embrace that reality. After all, even if there came a point in my life that I need to rest from 2006-2008 from the Old Church, Your grace is still there. I’m sorry for “abusing that grace” (as a theologian that I converse with once said). I may have my negative emotions, but I never harbored any ill feelings on You. After all, I committed sin, thus, You need to chasten me. You know that it will never help me if I’ll stop attending a local church. You provided a temporary local church that I can attend for the mean time. You gave me a temporary Pastor who understands my situation...that all I need are encouragements. It didn’t stop there. You talk to my temporary Pastor to give me a Youth Ministry, and You didn’t stop there. You gave me supportive youth members. They may not be at par with other Baptist churches when it comes to youth ministry (talents, good looks [hehehehe]), but their being supportive is awesome. Another thing that I ignored before is the temporary church’s location: it’s very private. Since there’s no coincidence, I believe that God really puts me in a very low profile church for me to recover emotionally and spiritually. They may not be the best Baptist youngsters out there, but I learn to love them. I believe that You did all this, not only because of Your grace, but because You really know what happen. You know what I really did wrong. Thus, You know what “treatment” You’ll give me.
Now that I’m finally back, Lord God, all I’m requesting for is strengthen me more. Like your son David, give me the character of self-encouragement. Many times, I felt so alone in this church that You put me. It’s discouraging. Your omniscience can tell that I tried and make several moves to initiate friendly conversations. There are some successes (and I pray that You bless those people), and I thank You for touching those people.
Recently, Lord God, someone dug an old skeleton from the grave. My blogs, being the alleged culprit, are put into question. Lord God, you know that I tried and made moves to leave my past behind. The other side, I DO BELIEVE, also wants to leave the past behind. I don’t know who did who this time. I don’t know the source and I don’t bother anymore. "After all, You have forgiven me the way you forgave countless people, thus, my only best option is to leave it all behind me. I forgive the digger (I will no longer exert effort to know who said who. I forgave him/her)". I believe that any move away from that quoted sentence is purely bitterness, and I don’t want bitterness to rule my walk. I’m sad and at the same time puzzled by this recent event. Still though, THE PAST IS BEHIND ME. WHAT MATTER IS NOW! Any past and currents sins I ask Your forgiveness. This I pray in Christ’s name. Amen.

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