Thursday, February 19, 2009

Maturity part 1

Maturity – “a psychological term used to indicate that a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctual, and is not determined by one's age. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act in serious or non-serious ways. (from Wikipedia) Maturity is something of personal character, or how one acts in stressful or difficult situations, because then a person's true ability to react to a situation can be seen. Additional ways to judge if a person is mature include rational thinking and logical explanation in solving a problem, and the art of reasoning while debating.” (Wikipedia)

Obviously, my post is, again, about maturity. Why I always like to talk about maturity? If you think I will brag that I am mature, you are wrong. I am not. In fact, a handful of people, most especially women, called me “immature”, “childish”, etc. I admit, I find it quite offending because I felt that it’s their way of rejecting a guy that’s not their type. However, I have to accept what they say.
Just recently, the word maturity came to my mind again. Then, it hit me: I’ll read about “maturity”. Thanks to the Internet (One time, when I gave a trivia, that person said, “Wow. You surf the Internet a lot.” I don’t know if it’s a compliment or a belittling of my attitude as a BOOK reader. Whatever. Only that person knows what does she mean when she said that to me).

Now, this will be a long one, so this post will be divided. Before I dwell on the first paragraph of this post, let me share something regarding this topic. According to a psychologist, Douglas Varvil-Weld, Ph.D., a person (let me use the word “he” just for convenience, this doesn’t mean I am hitting on my fellow male species) is mature if (just a summary, my opinion inserted in each number)…

1) He does what he NEEDS to do – this is what we call priorities. Thus, laziness is also a sign of immaturity. If we’ll follow this verbatim, even gossiping in church and office is a sign of immaturity because you are deviating on what you MUST DO.

2) He is patient – this is a no-brainer. A patient person indicates maturity. A patient mentor/trainer knows that his student will eventually improve no matter how long it takes.

3) He is empathic – he can put himself in the shoes of others (not literally, philosophers!). Bluntly, I know people who don’t have a sense of empathy. I am a church guy and I see this. Unfortunately, even outside the church setting, single ladies often accuse men of immaturity when at times they are lacking one characteristic of an emotionally mature person – empathy. What’s my proof? I occasionally hear this line usually said by ladies: “Hey, be a gentleman!” Looking at it deeply, that statement lacks empathy because in the first place, they didn’t take time how heavy the responsibility of a man is inside the church. Empathy can be best seen on good nurses, caregivers, and counselors. No wonder it takes maturity to counsel because of empathy. Are men guilty of not having this? Yes, BUT not ONLY MEN. Women are at times guilty of this. I have told you how some single ladies demand men to “BE A GENTLEMAN”. Church ladies, listen, the mere fact that they’re not reacting that much to your perks show how respectful and empathic Church guys can also be.

4) He is generous/selfless – look at a baby’s hand, his hands are always closed. As he grows older, he’s learning to open his hands. It’s the same thing with maturity. If you learn to give, you are being mature. In Christian faith, generosity is a sign of spiritual maturity.

(To be continued)

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