Monday, December 8, 2008

Old Church update

I can’t help but share this update with you. Remember the “Old Church and the New Church” thing that’s been “plaguing” this blog ever since this blog was started? Yes, the posts that made me look not to readily move on. Now, here are some updates:

The Old Church, headed by the Old Church Pastor, will host a Bible Conference this coming week in that church. Few days ago, the Old Church’s Pastor’s mentor, the one who pioneered the Old Church, arrived from America. He invited me. I hesitated. I hesitated because the “ban” status on me is still in effect, despite my efforts to admit my mistake. After all, the very same prerequisite to lift the ban on me – public apology and confession – was deprived from me because I am not yet forgiven by the other party and, according to the Old Church Pastor, more prayers.

Mom asked Old Church Pastor if I could attend the Bible conference. His answer? “Huwag muna” (“Not now”). Mom asked another question: “what needs to be done in order for him to go back?” He answers, “Pag pray natin.” (“We need to pray more”). Right from the horse’s mouth. I never made this all up. I never mentioned names. No one from the old and even new church knows this blog site. So you can’t accuse me of dividing the brethren. The Old Church Pastor unknowingly has given the verdict that will give me enough reason not to go back anymore. Because of this, Mom’s heart was broken. I can’t blame her. I’m her son. After all, right from the start, I plead to the Old Church Pastor not to publicize these things, not to let me choose between marriage or excommunication. Indeed, he opened the Pandora’s Box.

I can liken this situation to a criminal who admits his crimes, ready to be handcuffed, be sentenced and served his prison terms, but the authorities decided not to arrest him. No, not because he’s a freed man. He’s still a fugitive. Armed and dangerous. Don’t talk to him; he’s dangerous. Don’t even give your resources, most especially human resources. If that will be the case, the police under the authorities have adequate justification to shot him. I know most of you are intelligent enough what I’m talking about and who are those I am referring (if you happen to be in the Old Church). Again, I don’t want to defy. I don’t want to rebel. I don’t want to be on a wrong side of the fence, Baptist and Christian and God wise. After all, I am not their enemy. They are not my enemies. We are brothers in Christ.

But who am I? Besides, I don’t want to rebel and speak against the Pastor that I respected so much. I want my life to be blessed; rebellion and rudeness to the pastor, even if justifiable, will just hold that blessing. Worst, it can cost me my life because man should not “touch God’s anointed”.

What’s causing the delay? By the looks of it, he didn’t answer anything. Instead, he gave the task to my ex’s Pastor, to fix the matter. What’s that? Playing safe? By the way, my ex’s Pastor is the one who talk to my ex’s father. My ex’s father finally forgave me, but my ex and her mother didn’t. It’s too much. Why can’t they see that she and her mother are just doing that to piss me off? Old Church Pastor is the one who had the final say for my excommunication. The Old Church is not that congressionalist to the point that the deacons will have the final say. Is it another of those “unique discernment that only Pastors can feel”? Who is maneuvering the delay? The deacons, be it the new ones and veterans? The “feminist” sector? Or Old Church Pastor himself? Forgive me if asking is now the new rebellion. I don’t want to question that decision, but the delay hurt me and my Mom. Mom is contemplating for a transfer after she finished her commitments there. Even a veteran Pastor of a mega church talked to him; suggesting to him, “find a way to make him go back.” He’s being overly conscious and conscientious. Is that because a by-product of Old Church unwritten practices? Unwritten do’s and don’ts that it’s not really in The Bible, but because of culture and norms of that society called Old Church? (Fornication? Marry the girl. Not marry the girl? Boot out! ) Is that because the deacons, maybe the new ones who happen to be my contemporaries, are really nailing me for one underlying reason or another? Is it because of my ex-girlfriend herself? No, I hope I am all wrong in those questions! God forbid that even one of them is right.

Forgive my paranoia: maybe he knows this blog through another person, and that another person/s reading this blog gives the blog or his own version of the summary to Old Church Pastor(lurker/s). If my blog posts are the reason for the delay, I will still not stop doing this. After all, blog is a journal. My blogs are not locked or exclusive. My blog is open. The reason why I used another name and why I’m keeping my mouth shut in some extent is because despite my being talkative, at the end, I’m still a gentleman. In fact, anyone from the old church asking for my blog will surely be answered honestly. They NEVER gave me the chance to state my side. Yes, Old Church pastor knows my side, but he never disclosed it, just like he disclosed what I did wrong (though not in details) and what they will do to me. He never even disclosed the reasons why there’s a delay. He never even mentioned that one of the reasons for the delay is because my ex-gf confronted her and her own Pastor (her mother confronted him) vocally said that they don’t want back and I’m not forgiven YET. I hope that the first sentence of this paragraph is wrong.

A friend outside church once told me that my Friendster and my Blogs are easy to find. It means one thing: the Old Church people don’t give a thing on what I will say because they don’t care. One Old Church person I know demonstrated to me that he only showed concern when he found I have a new girlfriend! I’ve been using Friendster long before I was kicked out. I don’t have aliases. My email ad is not my real name because I made the email address 3 years ago. However, when you look at my friendster account, I put my real name. Then, he’ll just notice my account when he heard I have a new girlfriend? Wowowee! When they want to know my side, ask me, I don’t care if you believe me or not. It’s your right. But never ask other people for my side when I am accessible. Oh well, it’s their choice and I respect that.

I didn’t give up, it’s them who made the delay. And I respect their decision. This is not all me. This time, it’s all them. No justifications whatsoever. Yes, the Old Church made the right decision, but the delay is the wrong decision they have made.

Still, they have my respect. The Old Church is God’s church. The Old Church Pastor is God’s anointed. I prayed to God to bless him more…to give him wisdom…to make him a better person. His ministry is expanding and any expanding ministry needs a wiser and better leader. Thus, I prayed to God that Old Church Pastor will be strengthen more by God.

My respect to the Old Church and Old Church Pastor will remain as they are. But spending time pleading, following “my case”, will just give me flashbacks. This is not pride. Pride will never admit mistakes. Pride will never text Old Church Pastor, updating himself. Pride will not follow protocol if requesting for Old Church preachers to preach in the New Church, even if the reality of rejection is VERY HIGH because there is this PENDING THING GOING ON.

Because of this latest update, my mind became clearer. I know now better than ever what I must do: focus on the New Church. Help New Church Pastor. While doing that, ask God to strengthen me. Ask God to make me more mature spiritually. I must learn from these mistakes. They decided to delay this one. Thus, I decided to bury it to avoid flashbacks. Besides, souls are dying. Churches will argue because of technicalities such as this?! Man, souls are dying. Time is wasting. I need to make a positive choice: to stop follow ups. There are so many things to do. If they finally allowed me back, then so be it.

To my followers, thank you for liking my posts. To my critics, thank you. To those indifferent to me, it’s okay. It’s your choice. I can’t please everybody. This chapter of my life will never be closed if I stop “updating” myself regarding my case. No pride in stopping the “update”; it’s for me to avoid further baggage. Again, forgive the nature of my posts.

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