Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Ladies, i understand you, but please, be nice

I am not a woman hater. I am not a misogynist. My brother and I were raised by a strong willed Mother. I still recall that my paternal grandmother is the one who usually takes care of me while both of my parents are not around. If my paternal grandma is not around, my paternal aunts were there.

Although I admit, just like Richard Gomez, I tend to shout, confront women. I am a nice person, but I’m not the epitome of being a gentleman. I admit that partially it’s the choleric side of me (I’m a sanguine-choleric ACCORDING TO A TEMPERAMENT TEST). Okay, let me explain.

It was 1998 when I had a 2nd girlfriend (my first one’s 1996; it only lasted a month.). She’s not the prettiest in the Old Church, but she’s one of the nicest girls out there. She’s a good listener and a decent talker. Someone who can withstand my loud mouth, my love for cartoons, and etc. However, I was 18 back then; she’s 20. Usually, in a Baptist setting, it’s not encouraged that a college guy has a girlfriend. In fact, in other Baptist churches I know, you’ll be suspended (if you’re a leader or someone that has ministry) just by having a girlfriend while you’re still a student, but it’s their conviction (and they have their reasons why). Well, to make the long story short, after two years, I decided to break off the relationship. Both of us cried. I was young back then. Still, we didn’t have bitterness towards each other. In fact, she invited me in her wedding. She still greets me. She still calls my Mom, “Mommy”. However, the Old Church people, specifically in the Youth section, saw this in another perspective. Despite of our breakup being consensual in nature, my former youth director (of course with Old Church Pastor approval), currently a Pastor, suspended me for one year (note: years later, he suspended a youth leader/Sunday school teacher for breaking up because he has another girl. How long? 1-2 months.). My ex-girlfriend is not that bitter to me, and so do I. Still, I was suspended. To add insult to the injury, my youth director is humorously telling me in front of the leaders, including the FEMALE leaders, “don’t laugh, you left your girlfriend.” I took it as a joke.

Years later, I dated and became close with an intelligent lady. She’s a single parent. However, because of the trauma of one year suspension, I was afraid to enter in a relationship. In addition, the Old Church people don’t like the idea of me having a relationship (hard to please) with a single parent. This time, I did hurt her feeling; I never admitted to her that I love her. I always denied it. Because of this, I was given a “round table conference” treatment a day before my birthday. All of them rebuked me, one way or the other. Things were never the same after that. Because the girl was hurt, she began to say things against me…TO THE COLLEGE LADIES. Indeed, things were never the same. The reason for her hatred? Not only that I never admitted that I loved her, but because of my 3rd girlfriend. Yes, the reason for my excommunication. To tell you with all honesty, I find her pretty (that girl), but I don’t have any plans of courting her. None. Whatsoever. Yet, she is saying that I’m doing so.

Okay, fast forward, I was excommunicated for the situations I have told many times in this blogsite. I don’t have that charm to girls, that’s why at first, I’m quite a snub to them. Not to mention some girls just putting me as the last option when they can’t have their way to my Kuya and good looking cousin. I know I was not the best looking guy around. My Kuya and cousin is even better looking than I am. I know that for a fact; that’s why I don’t like girls flattering. It discomforts me. Although I have learned to accept compliments, whether flattery or real, because the Bible says in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God.

Many times, I have heard that women should be treated with respect. I even read the Bible, and it says that women should be treated as a weaker vessel, meaning, handle them with care. I also heard many times that women have mood swings. I heard my maternal aunt (yes, aunt. A woman. So, this is not a sexist post) said to me that most of the times, women have this feeling that they don’t want to feel. The result? Mood swings. Not to mention their monthly period. That’s why in the Bible, Paul said that women should silent INSIDE the church (meaning in church affairs and administration). Paul added that if they want to ask, they should ask it at home. Why? Because God knows women’s tendencies. Yes, women are more creative thinkers than men. Yes, women are more colorful when they think than men. However, church matters and leadership is black and white. Period. Because the Bible said that women should be treated as a weaker vessel, I tried to treat them like that. Because I was raised by my Mom, Paternal Grandma, paternal and maternal aunts, I understand the tendencies.

Then, with these tendencies woman have, I have questions, rhetorical questions I say:

1) If women tend to be moody, then why look to men so badly when they are arguing, especially INSIDE THE CHURCH? ESPECIALLY INSIDE THE CHURCH, when a girl confided to a girl about their arguments with her bf, automatically, girl A allies with girl B. Instant girl power!
2) I always hear women admit their mood swings and they themselves can’t understand it. Then why look to men as a culprit of their mood swings?
3) Inside the church, men receive “all the beating”, especially excommunication. I know girls who slipped away from public disciplines even if they are the culprit. Are we blind or we just use “culture” as a form of “palusot”? (what I’m trying to say is that if you’ll give the guy the discipline, give the girl also the same discipline. After all, it takes two to tango. Especially fornication, they both made it).
4) It always takes two to tango. If one controlled himself/herself at that time when his/her partner started it, no argument will take place. Then, why blame ONLY the guy if there are heated arguments?
5) Misunderstandings and arguments are normal in relationships. Then, why think of men in bad light every time arguments do happen? (I am talking INSIDE THE CHURCH)
6) Why are there women who don’t use their head? I mean when a girl cries, they sided with the girl, not knowing what really happen (it happened to me). When they do know what really happen, why not have the guts to ask the guys what really happened?

I know I know. The usual answer is this: WOMEN. “That’s who we are”. I know another usual answer: “We’re not like that”. Hey, lady, you TEND TO BE LIKE THAT. Except if the guy really is a jerk, that’s exactly my point: if women have these tendencies, why put men into bad light? Why not understand that in relationships, arguments and misunderstandings do happen even if your guy’s the nicest one? Besides, I have heard and seen so many shows, articles, films, chit-chats, telling how wicked, stupid, jerk men are.

GIVE ME A BREAK! Don’t you know that there are times that women are hurt with men because they made a wrong choice in the first place? There are women who don’t like a very nice guy. Then, they’ll ask why men are like that? Besides, not all women are “goddesses”. Care for an example? Never mind. There are girls I know that are flirty and mean. I know girls who use sex in order to take control of guys. PIKOT! Then, if they can’t have the guy, they will cry, and go to the “Filipino culture”. The result? The girl’s parents will go ballistic. Poor parents if they happen to have a manipulative daughter.

Still, despite these opinions, if you see me in person, I’ll be nice to you, regardless of gender, color, status, etc. Church ladies, try to be nicer to your men (if your boyfriend is inside the church, and especially if he’s a leader). The mere burden that men inside the church face, the heavy discipline, and the responsibility, is enough burden for them.

Ladies, I’m saying this as a fellow brethren, not a foe.

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