As I’m typing this post, it’s raining. It’s middle of the May and it’s been raining almost every afternoon. I’m planning to play basketball, but because of the rain for the past few days, I will usually go home instead.
I admit that I’m starting to feel impatient about the progress of my project study. As of this post, the paper is now in the hands of the Department Chairman of the University. According to him, it is now in the hands of two readers (for the 2nd time). After the 2nd reading, it will be returned to me (with the readers’ notes on what to revise), this time for editing and book binding. I already applied for candidacy for graduation. Within this week, I’ll go to the registrar’s office to secure the Transcript of Records, Certification, Diploma, and Evaluation (although the last one is no longer necessary). The chairman said that I can now apply for them, despite my paper still “in the process”.
Like I said previously, I don’t want to entertain negative thoughts as deeply as before. I’ll just let the events related to this unfold. After all, this waiting is no longer in my control. It’s now in the hands of my Chairman and the readers who read my paper.
The New Church Pastor’s concerned with the parents of Ms. Youngster (look for the May 1 post for more details). They are not attending church for the past 2 straight Sundays. I can’t blame New Church Pastor. As the pastor and the one who pioneered the work in the New Church, he invested time, money, and energy just for this family to be a member. Yes, that family is one of the pioneering members there. Even I myself will feel the same if I’m New Church Pastor. Ms. Pianist’s mother (her father died last year) is still attending; she even continued doing her usual church task: leading the married ladies. One thing that I have noticed is that Ms. Youngster’s brother didn’t waver in his church attendance. He continued. God knows that I salute him for that. About Ms. Youngster, I noticed she is still attending. However, she is not attending Sunday school, the Youth fellowship. I’m usually the teacher in these two slots. She’s also late in Morning and Evening Services. Some of her behaviors are still catching my attention, but I don’t want to dig deeper. It’s not healthy. I’m not being indifferent. I’m just prioritizing. I will exert lesser energy to teach the teachable youngsters. Then, after teaching them, I will talk to those who have outwardly demonstrated stubbornness. Yes, there are youngsters who look teachable outside but are rebelling deep inside. At least they are in the church attending all the services, all the sermons will serve as a reminder for them. If she will continue that attitude, it will not be my lost, but hers. Yes, she is missed in our youth gatherings, but it’s up to her to put herself back in track. If I only have a “reserved battery” in order to deal with our stubborn youngsters, I could have used it just for them to go back and serve God (BY THE GRACE OF GOD).
Oh well, I’m not a perfect youth leader. In fact, I consider myself the least in my batch of Youth Leaders back in the old church. I’m not one of the best singers in the Old Church. My humor is considered CORNY both in the OLD and the NEW church. My script writing and directing don’t win awards. Majority of the Old Church youngsters don’t like the eccentric style of leadership, script writing. My choice of comical skits and drama are often called “ke-weirduhan”. During leaders meeting back in the Old Church, you’ll rarely hear my voice. Why? I have nothing to suggest because they have said it anyway. I admit, at some point I’m envious with my co-leaders, especially the eligible bachelors. It’s hard for me to be noticed positively, while they can be positively notice without sheer effort.
In short, I’m not the best in this job of leading the Young People, both in the Old and the New Church!!!
Why continue in this Christian service? Love for the youth. Besides, God never gave up on me, why should I give up on myself? I may not be the best in the job, but I’m willing to do the job. I maybe corny, weird in the ordinary youngsters, and a loud mouth, but that is who I am! I am not a perfect youth leader, but this is me. God will use me as who I am. Why aspire to be a facsimile of someone when God can use me for who I am? So what if I have a corny sense of humor? After all, humor depends on the listeners, there is no dogma in jokes (as long as the jokes are not green and horny, it’s acceptable). Besides, humor develops. So what if I’m not one of the Old Church’s best singers? I am a good singer. I’m not tone deaf. Besides, I will not have all the talents in the world. So what if I have a record of church disciplines? I can’t do something about my past, including the shattered testimony, but there is still hope for my future! I may not be the great leader around, but I have a great God!
Mark my word, if someone better than I am in the New Church is volunteered to take the Youth Leadership, I will decrease. If New Church Pastor told me to step down, I will step down willingly.
Like I said before, I will try to bring back the “good finding” attitude. Less hate, more care.