Saturday, October 27, 2007

a classmate's wedding, amie, and hard feelings

I attended a classmate’s wedding last night (October 26, 2007). Before I attended, I went to SM – North Edsa to buy a gift to be given to the bride and groom. I arrived in the reception at around 6:30PM. Oh well, in our batch (batch ’97), 3 of them have already settled down (although one is not officially, but he promised to get married as soon as possible). Before these wedding bells, many think that I’ll be the first one to get married because of my so-called “playboy image” and so-called “financial status”. Because of the ban, I didn’t go to the old church. I went straight to the reception area.

I still remember how my former youth director told that in order to erase my “playboy/chick-boy/heart breaker image”, I must marry my then-girlfriend. Even until now, I disagree with that. You marry the person because of love, not because the girl got pregnant, or in order to erase your negative image. It’s like a “closet queen” marrying a woman (even the prettiest girl in town), just to cover their being gay.

Anyways, before I enter the reception area, I pray to God to give me courage to face this people without looking guilty. Don’t get me wrong. I admit what I did was wrong, but that was the past and God knows (I didn’t use His name in vain) that I did my best to settle things up in the old church. Ok, back in the topic. I want to walk with poise. Thus, the good part came. The old church people had been decent enough to talk to me. Praise God! In fact, one of them said, “The case is no longer a hot issue in the church”. Praise God if the issue died a natural death. It should be. In fact, it should have died earlier. If we are telling that we are Christians, we should try our best to kill the unnecessary issues, BUT both sides should be heard FIRST before you let the issue die a natural death.

I didn’t finish the program. I went out at around 7:30PM. Still though, my former classmate, his now-wife (who was stunning), the groom’s father (whom I know since I was a kid) and the bride’s father appreciated. I thought otherwise. They appreciated that I dropped by even with my schedule.

About me and Amie…

The at the upper right hand? That is me and sweet girl Amie...

I went to SM-Manila to see sweet girl Amie. Actually, I waited for 1 hour. That made me angry. Because of that, she walked out. I tried my best to convince her not to walk out from me. She walked out twice actually. There goes my short temper again. We wasted an hour or two just because I ruined the day. Still though, the day went on good. We apologized to each other.

Then, we started to talk about each other. I told her that Mom likes her for me, but Mom knows that we can’t be more than friends. I told her that I’m happy if I see her smile. It completes my day when I see her and I hear her husky voice. It is inevitable; I love Amie. Even a poet/friend notices a sort of a “glow” in my face that I can’t hide. My uncle, my cousins, and even AC, like her for me.

Still though, we can’t be more than friends. Mom understood. By the way, prior to our seeing each other, we didn’t talk to each other for about 3 weeks. She understood my Biblical stand on the matter. I told her that the reason why I decided what I decided is…because I LOVE HER…and the feeling is mutual; that’s why she understood me for who I am and what I stand for. Still though, she told me that despite of that, she told me that I’ll always be her closed friend. I told her that she’ll always be my special friend. I can’t help but cry. She’s one of the nicest girls that I met (if not THE nicest girl).

I hope and I pray that she’ll accept the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I hope that she experiences the true born-again experience. No, not because I love her (though it’s one of them), but because I want those close to me to be saved also.

I hope and I pray that if ever she’ll have a kind, yet strong boyfriend. She deserves it. She’s a likeable person. She’s nice and sweet. She’s a supportive lady. It will break my heart if she’ll end up with a mean and nasty and unfaithful man.

I thanked God because both of us understood each other without sacrificing friendship.

No hard feelings…

My hard feelings to the old church are gone by the grace of God. Now, I fully understand them. Why I said this? I just found out that the reason why most girls from the old church don’t like to talk to me is because my ex-girlfriend didn’t only hide the truth, she also denied what is true. In addition, she talked her way to the girls. It’s no wonder guys didn’t have any idea. She talked to church single ladies the lies. Yes, the lies. She hid the truth from them. She denied almost everything. She made me and my family seemed bad to the church girls. Not only that, she diverted the issue from her. For example, she said that I pointed a knife to her. This is very wrong. She’s the one who pointed the knife to me. Are you getting the picture?

Because of what I have found out, I began to understand the old church people more. Okay, let’s face the fact: there are rumor mongers (that’s their weakness), but rumor mongers will not be rumor mongers if someone didn’t start it. It has a source. It’s my ex-girlfriend. The reason why even until now, I can’t go back to the old church even if I’m itching to settle things.

Thus, I understood them more now. I just hope and pray that someday, I’ll be given a chance to tell my side to the old church people.

This is another thorn that was pulled from and I’m happy and thankful to God for this.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Poetries created within 30 minutes

"Inside this Room"

Inside this room, there are different ages.
All came from different places.
All come from different jobs.

Inside this room, every one can be a star.
“I’m a mathematician.”
“I’m an accountant.”

Inside this room, indeed every one can be a star.
“I’m a soldier and a lawyer”
“I’m a government worker.”

Inside this room, the harder your words, the better.
It will be impressive to use some Elizabethan.
It will be of good use if you can define what you say.

Inside this room, your pen will dictate who you will be.
Use the pen to solve, voila, you have friends.
Use the pen to draw, voila, gone will be they.

Inside this room, there are adults.
Adults like you and me
Adults that have responsibilities to fulfill.

Inside this room, there are kids.
Kids who will just have their way.
Kids ready to escape the places that they needed to go.

Inside this room, there are men and women.
Men and women that have limitations.
Men and women that have their own problems.

Inside this room, there are emotions.
There are smiling and crying.
There are loving and hating.

Inside this room, there are people
Who, after they went out, have other things to do
Who, after they went out, have their homes to go

Inside this room, there are students
Students that are of different culture, age, orientation, and life.
Students that are inside the room called Graduate School.
Obviously, "Inside this Room" is about my life in Graduate school. This poetry is "double edged" because I gave both my positive and negative view on life in graduate school. I created this during my lunch break in the office. I know, this one's rough because it was created in 30 minutes. Besides, i'm new doing poetry.
I had a collaboration with a poet from deviantart. He invited me to give my contribution in his "weekly collaboration"....Theta, one of my close friends in DA, is also part of of the weekly collaboration (hope that kid sister's doing fine)....

“Just like you and me”

It comes in different colors
Same as life…
Just like you and me.

It comes in different shapes,
Same as how we look…
Just like you and me.

It is there whenever there are events
Same as people who attend events right and left…
Just like you and me.

It is displayed for kids to pick the colors
Same as a teenager thinking what latest trend to pick…
Just like you and me.

It makes a crying kid happy when he holds it with his hand
Same as a sweet, caring mother ready to console her child…
Is it just like you and me?

It flies when you let it go
Same as a lover who doesn’t want to be loved…
At times, it’s just like you and me.

It flies and a kid that held it cries
Same as a lover who lost a beloved one…
Indeed, just like you and me.

It can be seen again, displayed for kids to see
Same as people who moved on after a major lost of someone or something…
Just like you and me.

It is called a balloon, the one with air inside.
Same as people, different colors, different sizes, but breathe the same air…
Just like you and me.
Here's my contribution to my DA friend. Again, this was created in the span of 30 minutes. Why not longer in order to have a better literary quality? Simple: I'm busy. November 4 will be our YPF day (or as the new church pastor said, Young People's Day). November 17 will be Komikon 2007. Busy busy's ok...after all, i'm still bouncing as a ball (boing boing boing)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

About Kathy Griffin's "punchline"...

Let me show you a Reuters article the caught my attention. In fact, even before I saw this, I saw similar articles at yesterday (October 22).

Okay, let me tell you what my stand about this as a Baptist Christian: if you’ll read Exodus 20:7, one should not take God’s name in vain. That means don’t use God’s name in not-so-serious matters, including jokes. This verse is also applicable in saying a promise, using God’s name, then at the end you’ll not fulfill it. If you’ll follow this verse deeper, using God’s name in vain also includes saying God’s name as a curse or a word used when we’re surprised by someone. My stand as a Christian is that Kathy Griffin did just that. She used the name of Jesus as one of her menu to her stand-up antics.

Don’t get me wrong, I like watching stand-up comedians/comediennes. I’m fairly a good sport when it comes to their jokes. However, the Bible is loud and clear not to use God’s name in vain. Okay, I know people reading this will this accuse me of being “right wing” of sort. I’m just stating my Biblical stand of the issue. Besides, some are saying that Griffin is just exercising her freedom of speech. Thus, I’m also exercising it the way she exercised hers.

Why is it that Jesus’ name is used in jokes and so-called Christians are laughing the matter or even defending those who used it? No wonder my Muslim schoolmates back in my undergraduate years call Christianity a “blasphemous religion”. Those so-called Christians don’t react or, the more positive one, respond to this. Instead, there are those who laugh. Make fun of Buddha, Allah, Brahma, and Felix Manalo, let’s see what will the Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus, and INC members will do to you.

I don’t care if you’re a “backslidden” brother/sister or “disgruntled/rebel” former Bible man/woman or a “church kid gone wild” or a “Christian school graduate eager to go bad after graduation”. Christians have failed in their Christian lives, one way or the other, public or private. However, that’s not an excuse not to express what a Christian stand about this matter.

The other side of the issue:

However, I understand Kathy Griffin regarding this matter. She’s a stand-up comic. She’s making fun, not necessarily of Jesus, but to those Award winners who use the name of Jesus, or God, as part of their “Thank you” speech. They use Jesus’ name as if it’s part of the format of the thank you speech (like a colon after a salutation of the business letter). In other words, I don’t know, but using God’s name in thank you speeches in awards (Emmy, Oscar, Golden Globe, etc.) is sounding superficial (euphemism applied) lately. Maybe, just maybe, that’s what Kathy Griffin’s punch line is after.

This should be a wake-up for people calling themselves “Christians”. If you were asked to pray publicly, you must pray sincerely. Pray from your heart. If you’re thanking God when you won an award, or made your acceptance speech, make sure to thank God and mean it.

I admit though, I’m guilty sometimes in these matters. Like I said, this is a wake-up.
According to sources, Kathy Griffin is an atheist, but raised a Catholic. If the sources are right, she’s just expressing her belief as an atheist, how about we Christians? Shall we just hide?

If we are saying that we are true Christians, the one who accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, let’s say boldly that the only way to be saved is by admitting one’s sins, repenting from them, accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

Christians should take advantage of this freedom of speech.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

distractions distractions distractions

As I have promised, I’ll share to you something. It is about an excommunicated member of the old church. Before I go to the story itself, let me established some things so that you’ll understand.

Actually, he is AC’s (big brothrer) classmate back in our Christian school days (AC and he are both batch ’96; I’m batch ‘97). It can be said that he’s a childhood friend because I’ve known him since our elementary days and he’s AC’s friend back then. Years later, according to the information I gathered and based also on my personal encounters with him, he committed fornication. Sources said that she’s a preacher’s kid (although personally, I find the girl snobbish, though she’s not that pretty [euphemism implied he he he]). The girl told the case to the church authorities (this is true). I don’t know if this one is true, but according to what I have heard, she cried rape. This is not only his case in the church. Once, he stole a mobile phone from an old church member (this is true). This member, a wife of one of Henry Sy’s architect, is quite smart. She posed as a “textmate” so that that guy will text her. That guy even invited her to church. It was a “buy bust”. He was caught in the act. He had no choice but to admit his act in front of the deacons (I assumed the old church pastor is also there). That time, he has a tricycle. Sources said that he used this to accompany church girls to their way home. This is an odd information (I don’t know if this is true): he requests these girls one favor: a kiss on the cheek (how stupid if that is true. He does that to minors. He can be jailed for that. Besides, these are church girls, and he is a church guy. I find “messing your own backyard” scary (if you know what I mean).

These acts took its toll in the church. This act of his made it worst: he tried to influence the former old church pastor and his wife. Not only that, he also talked to some church members. If you’re a church goer, you know that this is called “talebearer”. In addition, if you’re a church goer, you know that what he’s doing is “dividing the brethren” or “causing the members to be divided instead of having one common goal or thought”. If you’re familiar with the Bible, the Bible said that this type of person should be “marked”, meaning “to stay away from”. After long investigation, he was excommunicated by the church, in broad daylight (morning service, where the church attendance is at its highest), with all deacons standing behind the pulpit (my excommunication is different; it was done in the evening (fewer members), and only Pastor is the one standing behind the pulpit. Meaning, he was forced to do that decision because he knows what’s the story why I did what I did). As far as I can remember, this happened around year 2000 or 2001. By the way, he was excommunicated because he’s starting to divide the brethren. Then, something happened: some of the audio equipments in the church were missing; he stole it.

Fast forward today. That same guy is now working in a collecting firm. He’s sort of a messenger. Because of this, he always drops by in our office, as a collector. We are nice to him, but not on a personal level (it’s office hours). Then one day, a Pastor (my ex’s Pastor) told me that he wanted to see me. He wanted to say something. We met in a place. Now, here’s the story: the Pastor told me that that same guy is trying to manipulate my ex-girlfriend and her family. He’s telling my ex-girlfriend that I’m now attending in the old church (without her approval). He also added to her that the old church is unfair, being biased in this case. He also said that the old church pastor is favoring us because of our so-called “status”. If my ex’s family is right, that guy is inviting my ex-girlfriend to “destroy Pastor Jerry”. He’s using her hatred for me so that he can have it his way. It is manipulation. Whoa. I laughed at the news at first because the old church people can prove that he’s lying. However, I was also disgusted with that guy because it is outright rebellion. Yes, I admit that I was sad with the church’s decision to me, but what the guy did is outright rebellion. You know what? He made the matters worse than it should be.

According to my information, the girl that he had sex with backed out on the case (I don’t know why); that means it’s a closed book. However, he stole equipments. He almost divided the brethren. Thus, what he needs is talk to the old church pastor, fix things up, and have a public apology (maybe in broad daylight also). In addition, he needs to pay for what he had stolen.

Indeed, he made it worst. Not only did he do the old church wrong, he also did wrong to another Pastor and his church. Two churches. All because of his lying tongue.

Looking back what I did, I thanked God for people that advised me to fix this with the old church pastor. I did my best to fix things up. In my case, I talked to the old church pastor. They gave a condition: my ex should forgive me. Because she’s not ready yet, I’m not allowed to publicly apologize. I do admit I share what happened to me in the old church with other people, but I acknowledged what I really did wrong. Plus, I share it to people not connected to the old church (one way or the other) whatsoever. Again, I admit what I REALLY DID wrong.

I boldly say that this type of act deserves shunning to the one who did this, unless he admitted his faults. Honestly, he should be the one who “deserves” the “shunning”. Unless he humbled himself, he must be shunned.

In my case, I tried my best. I am very much ready to face the crowd, but the old church said it’s not yet time. Because of that, the burden’s no longer mine, I’m no longer guilty of all this. Thus, I’m trying to tell to the youth leaders there that pride is not the reason why I’m not yet back – the church (through the old church pastor) decided for me not to go back yet.
Again, this is a form of distraction. First, it’s the failure of my comprehensive exam for the 2nd time, then this news. The Young People’s Fellowship Day (YPF Day) is coming near (November 4). YPF is initiated in order to glorify God through revival (churches were invited also). The “enemy” hated this activity. Thus, the “enemy” is creating distractions.

I hope and pray to the Lord God that the YPF day will push through, by hook or by crook.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I failed the compre (weeeeeh)

Note: I wrote this yesterday, i posted it today...

For the 2nd time, I failed the comprehensive exam. Actually, the exam into 4 categories namely: Philosophy, Statistics, Research, and Specialization. I passed all of them. However, I have a “Low Pass” mark in Specialization, which is considered a failure. Thus, I retook the exam, but only the Specialization part. After I waited for about an hour yesterday (June 15), the result was given to me. Again, it is a “Low Pass”. Honestly, I really did my best this time around. I read and re-read all, even to the point of memorizing it. I only didn’t study the Curriculum Development part of the Specialization. Again, it is a “Low Pass”. The policy of the University is that after you failed the Comprehensive exam twice, you’ll re-enroll what you failed. In my case, there are 6 subjects under the Specialization category. According to my Department chairman, he’ll still assess what in those 6 subjects that I really fail.

However, there is another option. I can just finish it under the Master in Education program. What is this? This is also considered a Master’s degree, but this credential will not be considered if I will plan to take up PhD in THAT UNIVERSITY. In other words, if I’ll take this option, I will be graduating with the degree of Master in Education (ME), but I’ll not be allowed to get my PhD there. Reading these lines carefully, I can take my PhD in other universities, which according to my department chairman, is “substandard”. There are good universities, however, that will allow me to take my PhD. Still though, in those Universities, I need to have certain units (sort of a “pre-PhD courses”). Judging with the situations, I’m not failure. I have many options. Honestly, I don’t to re-enroll. I’ve in that University since 2003. The University has a policy in a graduate student’s stay (maximum of 5 years). Next year will be 2008. In other words, this is quite risky. For me, it’s not worth the risk. However, with this ME program, it’s not over yet. If I finish this one, I’ll still graduate with a degree. Then, after this, I can put this credential to take further studies, like Law or a graduate studies in Math, after this. Honestly, taking a PhD is not a passion; it is just an option. Taking up courses like Law or Math is the thing in my mind (if I’ll be allowed to study again).

I told my Department Chairman to think this over first. I added that I needed to tell this Mom because I wanted a better view on this (like a family decision). I told him that I’m no longer teaching. Because of that, he just advised to take these two options, because it will be a waste if I don’t take either of the two.

Does this mean I’ll be discouraged to continue the comics called “GradS Tayo” because I’m no longer part of the “Thesis program”? No. After all, I’ll still graduate with a graduate degree.

This so-called failure is quite sad on my part. I did my best. I studied for that test. I believe this is the will of God. I don’t know yet what is the deeper message of this. However, I know that after I heard my result, my worries are gone. I know that this is a distraction. Distraction because this coming November 4, the new church’s youth ministry will have their first YPF day. This is a form of distraction for me to be discouraged because the “enemy” knows that I’m the head organizer of YPF day. I also know that graduating in a thesis program is no longer that significant to me because I’m no longer teaching, and God knows that I don’t see myself being a Principal, school administrator, etc.

Speaking of YPF day, indeed, I should pray that God will take care of this youth event in our church. This shows that the “enemy” is working double time to scrap this event. There is another “distraction” that happened to me yesterday aside from the test result. I promise to post this the next time. Please remind me if I forgot ok?

Friday, October 12, 2007

Bloody post...bring a glass of water with you...

A married lady from the old church saw me, together with AC (my big brother) and two cousins (PB and Erika) and a distant relative, somewhere near my workplace in Malabon. We saw each other in a fast food store. It was a brief chat, due for the fact that we are on a separate queue. She greeted Kuya first, then I greeted her. She was a bit surprised to see me.

The brief conversation went in this similar manner:

Married Lady: Hey what’s up? I thought you’ll go back (in the old church), we are waiting for you.

Me: Ah okay. Oh well, someone is putting me on hold. Hehehehe.

Married Lady: Ows?

Me: Yes ma’am.

Then, after I took my order, a distant relative mentioned his order at the order.

The married lady is one of the old church people that still greet me (she usually greets me first) every time she sees me. Honestly, when the lady asked that question, deep inside I wanted to burst out. She asked me, “I thought you’ll go back (in the old church), we are waiting for you.” I know it is a harmless question on her part.

However, there are few assumptions why the question is like that:


2) There are people who think that PRIDE IS THE REASON WHY I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK.

3) Majority of the old church people didn’t know the reason why I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK.

4) Majority of the old church people (particularly the young people) didn’t know that IT IS VERY WRONG THAT I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK. FORGIVE MY ATTENTION ON BETWEEN THE LINES, THE PROPER TERM IS, “I CAN NOT GO BACK” EVEN IF I WANTED TO (to sum it up, the old church Pastor himself told me that I should “lie low”, that it is NOT YET TIME for me to go back because he found out that my ex-girlfriend is not ready to forgive me and she’s not ready for me to go back. According to my ex’s mother, she said if she got married MAYBE she can finally forgive me).

Honestly, I find it quite irritating why the pressure is still on me. Oh well, that is the consequence of what I did in the past. However, I just can’t help that I’m irritated when the pressure is being put on me regarding this matter.

At times, I think in this manner:

How many times will I ask God for forgiveness (or is it the Devil who is making me feel this pressure…yes, the question quite rhetorical)? When will the old church people, particularly the young people, especially the youth leaders during the time it happened, open their eyes that they really don’t know the whole truth yet, even the reason why I am not allowed to go back? Or does the truth prevail only if someone has gathered significant influences? Well, maybe the truth prevails, but it will not be known to many (so that people will be smitten by the truth right in their faces, showing they are dead wrong, just like what Nehemiah’s detractors experienced). Maybe the truth prevails, but it will just whisper. Looking back at my stint in the old church, I should have not have widened my tolerance to a brethren’s wrong doing. I should have been rough on those young people who are not going to the church because of a petty reason. After all, the old church folks (particularly young people) will not greet me anyway if I did something wrong.

Still, I know that way of thinking is wrong. It is very un-Christian.

I admit that I want to confront my ex and say to her face, “Are you happy now? I’m still considered banned and kicked out because you are putting a hold on me. Are you happy now? I did you wrong, but you also did me wrong things long before these things happened? Why is your hatred so deep? You’re still deaf and blind, or just plain playing dumb why I left you. Even at this point, you still want to control, to put me on your grip. I’m trying to have a sense of peace, but why you’re disturbing it by questioning my attendance in a Youth Conference? You put two Friendster comments. Nicely written, but hey, why don’t you say to the old church Pastor those same kind words about me? I heard you’re not ready to forgive me yet. Besides, you questioned your own pastor why I attended a Youth Convention? You said it is unfair. Besides, are you fair? I suffered what I did PUBLICLY. How about you? Did you suffer publicly? Is your reputation ruined? Who is the one who suffered because of shame and ruined name? Not really you, ME. The hard part, is that I did my best for you. I loved you in that 2 year relationship, you gripped me on the neck. I gave almost all, but you still cursed me like I didn’t do any good. Then, you’ll ask why I did that? Are you very stupid when hit with something true but so scheming when concocting something against someone? God knows what really happened. God knows what I did wrong and what YOU did wrong, girl. You know why my hatred is like this? Hatred will only stop if YOU will stop the hate. After all, you hatred is way too far. I tried to stop to conquer this hatred that I have, but time and time again, you are making me remember it by what you’re throwing against me. Stop the lying and manipulating and controlling. Let God alone work on this one.”

I’m not lying. I don’t lie in my own blog. Besides, no one from the old church knows this site. No one even from the new church knows this site. Only two people whom I know personally know this site, and both are not connected with both churches.

I’m sorry for the harsh words in this post. I’m hurt. If only that married lady know that I am not allowed to go back yet even if I wanted to. Oh well, at the end of the day, God will take care of this.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I have many ways to take away this so called negative energy. Especially now, I tried to make ways in which I can release negative emotions. People these days don’t like people that talk and talk and talk. Especially in this corporate world that I’m in, “silence” means maturity. I don’t know if this is just my feeling, but “friendly guys” nowadays are not the in-thing in the corporate world. Corporate people judge people according to this so-called breeding (is it another word for hypocrisy? He he he he). You know, you must be well-behaved. No, don’t get me wrong. I still believe that a person inside a corporate world should have that “aura of respect”, and it is only possible by behaving appropriately with the environment.

However, I’m more of a speaker than a listener. Maybe it is embedded in my persona. I have what Tim LaHaye called a “Sanguine-Choleric temperament”. Although being a Christian made me thinking not to stick too much on my “inborn personality” (meaning I should improve), I just can’t help that at times, I am a loud mouth. Time and time again, Mom always reminds me of my tongue, especially when I’m representing the company.

That’s one of the reasons why, at first, I wanted to land a job away from the company, so that whatever I will say will not ruin the company’s reputation. When I was a kid, church people, when they noticed something “weird” to me, will always either talk to my Mom or my Kuya. Back then, it is quite unfair. Even back then, I believe in the concept of individual differences.

Because of this predicament, I found a way to release this negative energy. Usually, you’ll see me in the gym either before or after work. Usually, I’ll spend at least 90 minutes there. My, I miss the time that I’m in the gym for 3 hours! At home, you’ll notice me in my bedroom reading. Yes, I read my Bible (which I consider not as a hypocrisy, but because an individual Christian needed to have time reading God’s Word for “reproof, correction” and “inspiration”). Then, I’ll read other stuff. After reading, you’ll see me either drawing my series of Comic Strips entitled, “GradS Tayo”, which I usually submit in my Deviantart account. There is also this blog. Not only I can speak out here, but there are also people who will tell me things and encouraged me.

Just recently, I added a hobby: poetry. I was “introduced” to poetry by my DA friends. As of this date, I find poetry as a creative way to release negative energy. Instead of shouting at someone, or confronting them (in which at the end, I admit it is pointless. Nowadays, denials are everywhere), do it poetry. After all, art is an expression. Yes, I still am a talker, but this hobby (I consider working with the youth not as a hobby by the way. It is more than a hobby.) helped me release constructively.

Yes, I’m still a predominantly sanguine-choleric person; at least it made my view in life lighter. Indeed, God have given this talent with a purpose.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

My ex-girlfriend's Friendster comments

My ex-girlfriend gave two comments in my Friendster account. Both comments, when look by a total stranger, seems harmless and kind. Yes, those words in her two comments sound kind. Those comments sounded okay.

Here is the 1st comment:

Here is the 2nd comment:

Those two comments were written in kind words. Honestly, like I said, those comments sounded okay. However, when I saw those comments, I remembered many things. I remember the time (5 months ago) that when she found out that I attended the National Baptist Youth Convention (NBYC), she gave her Pastor a text message that says that it is unfair. It is unfair that I can attend NBYC. It’s like saying, “why did you allow him to attend? He’s excommunicated.” I don’t know. Does she want me “grilled” real hard? Then, her father said that he had forgiven me (I understand his father; he’s a father, AND he didn’t know the whole truth because my ex and her mother usually do cover-ups so that her father will not know the whole truth). In fact, he wanted me to give a public apology in the old church.

Then, August 29, my ex’s Pastor told me this message:

Hndi ko siya nakakausap . Nakausap ko yung mother niya ang sabi sa akin hndi pa daw ready si Jen (my ex) mag-forgive at bumalik ka sa church pag nakapag-asawa na siya yata baka sakali pa daw. God bless. (I didn’t talk to her. I talked to her mother and she said that Jen is not ready to forgive you and she doesn’t like the idea of you going back to the church yet (old church). MAYBE she’ll change her mind if she got married. God bless.

Because of this text message, the old church Pastor told me that it’s not yet time for me to publicly apologize in the old church. Because of this text message, I can’t go back to the old church yet.

Then she gave those two comments from Friendster. Instead of happiness, hate is what I felt. Even until now, she didn’t admit to her controlling nature, her manipulative ways, her lying to me many times. Oh well, it’s only her (next to God) who can help herself in that department.

Forgive my posts today.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I don't have a car (again).

I don’t have a car (again). The rough estimate, excluding other spare parts not mentioned, is worth around PhP 19, 000. Oh well, when one has a car, one should be responsible. Being responsible car owner doesn’t mean you will just go to the repair shop when the damage is there (although that is one of them). You’ll take care of it. Not just the water from radiator, not just the brake, not just battery, not just the tire, not just bringing them to the car wash. Especially when you’re working in Malabon City, you need to check what is happening underneath. Salt water and the salt water breeze causes cars to rust quickly.

Oh well, no matter how long I typed this post, still, it’s my fault: I neglected my car anew. I'm expecting that i will not have a car for 1 week...or at worse, maybe 2. I'm expecting that it will not cost me PhP 20, might reach until PhP 30, 000.

Not to justify the negligence, but among 3 cars, this one gives me the headache. I don't know why. I'm more careful with my stuff these days compare with those 2 cars. Oh well, I don't believe "bad luck". Oh well, it's there. We can't do something about that. However, I just hope and pray that I can get it in less than a week.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Bob Ong and F. Sionil Jose's books that I bought.

I bought two books yesterday and two comic digests (Superheroes and Topak). These two books are: Olvidon by F. Sionil Jose and Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas by Bob Ong. By the way, don't be shocked by the title. The book is not Satanic in nature. In my opinion, it's like Bob Ong gathered his blog posts, an editor edited the blog, gathered the posts together, in this little black, folio size, soft bound book (makes me wanna do the same with GradS Tayo in the future). Presto, it's a hit, especially to high school and college students, even to graduate students.

Bob Ong have 5 books now as I'm writing this post: A B N K K B S N P L A ko?! , Bakit Baliktad Magbasa Ng Libro Ang Mga Pilipino?, Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas, Alamat ng Gubat, and Stainless Longganisa. I still don't have Alamat ng Gubat. I don't know what happen with the other 3 books (mahanap nga uli yun).

One thing that is appealing with Bob Ong books is the presence of wit in all of these books. According to one of these books, he didn't finish a Bachelor's degree, but an associate degree (please correct me on this if I'm wrong). That makes me admire this fellow more. He has the gift.

Like I said, I bought this Bob Ong book yesterday during lunch; I finished the book today, at lunchtime, while eating burger steak (no choice. Malayo ang Bodhi and Greens eh) and Chocolate Sundae. Actually, last night, I'm almost through with (20 pages left) it, but because I'm sleepy, and it's past 12 midnight, I just sleep.

Aside from Olvidon, I have two other F. Sionil Jose books (all in all, as far as my memory is concerned, he has 19 works: The Pretenders and My Brother, My Executioner. Honestly, i don't like tragedy (both of them are). Frankly, i just bought F. Sionil Jose's two books out of curiousity. Still, i was not frustrated.

By the way, as of this post, I'm page 4 of Olvidon. Too bad I can't read it in one sitting because I have othe rthings to do.

Monday, October 1, 2007

My typical Sunday

To start this post, let me share this to you: meet my niece Ocean McKayla W. Along. She's 2 years old. She's a very playful and funny 2 year old girl. In fact, the night before I wrote this post, she made me ride on a chair that looks like a fish. Then, she began to pull me, causing me to fall. Then, she laughed at me. I laughed because of her natural humor. I laughed because at that age, she knows practical jokes. Maybe she got that from her Dad, AC. AC's your typical practical joker.

This is the usual setting every Sunday. You will usually see me in the new church from 8:30AM - 12NN. Actually, the service usually ends at around 11 or 11:30AM, but I take time to talk with the church members. It is what you call fellowship. (That's the big difference when you're in a Baptist church) Then, if Mom's not around yet (she's still attending at the Old Church despite of what happened to me. Now that is character. Kaya ba nila yun?), I'll not yet eat. While doing so, I'm either watching TV or taking a nap (being a Youth Leader of a "rookie youth ministry" is tiring in a way because you're almost doing it all) or reading/studying the Biblical lesson that I will teach in our Young People's Fellowship (YPF). Then, when Mom arrives, she herself will prepare the lunch (she really does). Lunch time. After lunch, either I will continue reading/studying my Biblical lesson or I will read other stuff or I will take a nap. Honestly, I rarely take Sunday afternoon nap these days. There is a time that I woke up at 2:30PM (and YPF is 3PM). That's the reason why I rarely take Sunday afternoon nap...NAPapatulog ako...

Fellowship time at YPF is a weekly learning experience for me. Since we are reorganizing it and half of the crowd's new with the youth fellowship system, I have the benefit of "trial and error". However, I don't take risk when the new church's principle will be compromised. I only take risk on youth programs. In youth ministry, one should give his besr shot, but one should not be a perfectionist (in its truest sense of the word). You'll never enjoy the youth ministry if you're a perfectionist.

By the way, the upper right photo was taken in our YPF. I'm the one in the orange barong. By the way, in handling the Youth Ministry, I always fulfill my promise, even if I made a promise to our youngest Youth member. I'm not that good. Back in the old church, there are other better youth leaders than I am. However, I see to it that I don't leave my youth members hanging. I admit, I say things straight. That's one thing I like with the youth members, they know when to listen to me. They trust my leadership, and I thanked God for that. Because of that trust in my leadership, I don't want to shortchange them. In return, I give my best every Sunday. By God's grace, YPF is seeing its potential.

After YPF, there is the evening service. After the evening service, I ate dinner with my family, most of the time, together with AC, Sarah, and Ocean.

There are times that AC will request that I sleep over in his house.

That is my typical Sunday (bow)