Friday, September 21, 2007

Whew...

I want to take away my friendster blog. Besides, I'm not posting in that blog from a long time. The last time that I posted there is when I stated bluntly the reason why I'm not yet allowed to go back to the old church. I posted that it is not pride, but because I'm not allowed to go there yet. Yes, I admit that I really intended to post that so that the old church can read my side (note: not to justify, but state my side of the story…because it’s been a long time that they’ve been fed with information coming from the leaders there…and even the girl…I didn’t say that all of the information are wrong. It’s just they didn’t hear from me). I have proven this: only few old church youngsters will dare to talk to me and asked what really happened. Well, there are factors involved: 1) some are afraid that they’ll be reprimanded by their ates, kuyas, leaders, etc. 2) some just don’t like me, 3) some don’t know how, when, and where to start, 4) some just don’t care , 5) some wanted the church to move forward (whichis good). Besides, most of the old church people (especially the youngsters) usually don't care on blogs. All they want to see are pictures…pictures…and more pictures (Aminin natin. Kaya naman tayo nag-friendster para makakita ng litrato ‘di ba? Kung sabagay, ganun ang purpose ng friendster. It’s not mainly for blogs…it’s more of pictures and messages)

Let's admit it: most friendster users don't read friendster blogs. In fact, one of the people I know even said, “Puro bola naman ang mga blogs eh”. (All blog entries are lies).

Most of my friends in friendster are from the old church. Yes, maybe most of them are not reading my blog, but it is better than that. I don’t want to be accused of being a rebel. Why am I saying this stuff anyway IF I’m not rebel? Well, it’s because blogs are diaries.

By the way…

My mom saw my ex working at Trinoma (North Edsa, QC). At first, she thought I didn’t know, that’s why she didn’t tell a thing to me. She didn’t know that I’ve known this fact about a month ago (or two). When I found out that she saw my ex, she’s quite shock. She wanted to reprimand the person who told me the info, but I told her that I’ve known that fact for quite some time (about a month or two). My mom doesn’t want me to see my ex; she’s afraid that it will rekindle my love for her. I can’t blame her. Back then, I strongly told my mom that I’ll break her up (I mean it. I have told many, many times the reason why I wanted to get out), only to tell her through phone, “I’ll marry her”. (I told this because I admit, I’m afraid of excommunication, which eventually happened to me). I told mom, “If ever I wanted to go to her place of work, I should have done that. Still though, I can’t blame my Mom.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not your typical soap opera in which moms are villains (not all are like that). The reason why Mom doesn’t like my ex is because of one thing: she’s a manipulative person. Plus, she’s a liar. In fact, my ex almost caused friction between Mom and Mom’s cousin (my uncle). She even told the old church people that we’re living in (not true). If ever I see her, I’ll just stare at her. If ever I’ll talk to her, it is to confront. Oh well, even that is no use (because it’s hard to confront a manipulative liar).

Whew! This is the beauty of the blog that is away from those people…I can be me.

Still though, I hope and pray that things will be alright. That my ex will realize that the burden is no longer mine, but her. Yes, I had my mistakes (fornication, nagkakasakitan kami physically [this one, time and time again, is not SOLELY my fault. She’s always starting an argument. Like I said many times, if you ignore her, she’ll use the CHURCH crowd in order to catch attention ]. She’s saying to my Dad that she moved on, but her actions say otherwise. She doesn’t want me back in the old church. She is not ready to forgive me yet (as if it’s my fault [no one with me…ako lang] and she has no contributions in this mess). Because of this, the old church decided not for me to go back YET. Because of this, I told them, “The burden of guilt is no longer mine, but hers. She’s the one who’s causing the delay (right from the start) in all of this, not me. Right from the start, I really wanted to publicly apologize.” With this note, I stood by those last words. I don’t see anything wrong with what I have said. From that point forward, every time I’m asked or this thing is opened, I usually say those last lines.

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